Monday, September 7, 2009


“You shall never be nothing less than the air that I breathe, the sun that provides me warmth, the exquisite moon that I set eyes on every single astonishing night of my life ever since your existence”. Those were the words he had said before he pressed his perfectly full shaped lips against mine. It was all too perfect that I could even feel the stars in the sky staring in envy. I’d live eternally in this moment if I could. My heart was pumping fast that it skipped a few beats. He was all I desired, he made the years of wait worth more that gold buried in a treasure chest under the deep blue sea. My sadness no longer had control of me, neither does my emptiness. I could long for nothing more. The night ended after he sent me to my doorstep. We got all wet due to the cloud pouring its tears all over the city as it was lonely, its wishes were not paid attention to, were not fulfilled unlike mine. Before he left, he had given me a goodnight kiss, a perfect one. As soon as I lost sight of my one and only lover, I stepped into my home. I got onto my gray couch that has been with me for at least four solid years. It was perfectly positioned to face my bulky television set. I had the television turned on to see nothing but boring old repeated movies. I didn’t see the purpose of intentionally repeating them in the way that they do it so I decided to make my way upstairs and lay in solitude, in my bathtub. It has been a while since I took a bubble bath so it seemed like a very insinuative choice. The warm bath felt so good on my skin after a long day out with Nate. I had my hands behind my head as I stared at the ceiling, thinking of the blessing that I had received, that I don’t at all deserve. He’s as loyal as any human being could ever be, as hopelessly romantic and sensitive as any lady would ever hope for a man to be. The way I feel for him is unimaginably strong that I would jump in front of a bullet just so that his heart would continuously beat till he dies a natural death, a non-hurtful death that is.


My eyelids were half open as I stared into blank space for a couple of seconds. It showed 7.36 a.m. on my table clock that was placed right beside my bed, alongside the first photo of Nate and I taken at the beach. I still remember every inch of detail that happened on that day. We were holding hands while we enjoyed the view of the most stunning sunset. I had taken my camera out and faced it towards us so that we could have a picture that would remind us of that particular day, that particular never ending moment.

I had to freshen up so I went to the bathroom and got my teeth brushed and I took a bath. I don’t usually take my bath as early but today was exceptional. He was going to come over so I had to look my best, I always try to. Covered up by my faded purple towel that had my name sewed onto it, I browsed my closet for something lovely to wear. It was between this white dress that had pink polka dots on it and this beach dress that was sky blue in color, some small decisions in life are very hard to make due to my indecisiveness. After ten minutes of looking at myself in the mirror and comparing dresses, I decided to go along with the white dress as it is Nate’s favorite color. I had some pink blusher on my pale white cheeks to make myself look more appealing. As I headed downstairs, I had thought of what to cook. Maybe some beef bacon and omelet. Also, ten pieces of blueberry pancakes would be a good addition to the breakfast menu.
After I was done preparing breakfast, the doorbell rang. My heart dropped and lifted itself back up again after a split second. It was him, it was my one true love standing in front of the door waiting to come in. I was having the worse case of butterflies as I paced quickly to open the wooden door. He was wearing a body hugging white shirt that showed off his perfect abs. His hazel brown hair was pushed back in the best way possible. In my white dress, I felt triumphant towards his insane beauty. He came close to my face, held my hands gently and placed it onto his chest as he gave me a kiss that never could be better than it already was. I felt like I was being constantly hit by cupid as he never fails to make me fall in love with him over and over again. I was overwhelmed by the simple yet complicated fact that he was mine, never to be replaced. We made our way to the dining table and he looked at the amount of food I had prepared and took a glimpse my way. He was smiling in a way that I would kill myself if I had missed it. I served both of us the meal that I had prepared. We ate and were done after an hour.


It was 6.30 p.m. when the sun decided to take off from it’s job. I could sense that it was feeling awfully sleepy. We walked by the beach, with the breeze in our hair. The wind blew his hair backwards and his whole face was now clear for me to see. There was this silence in the air, words weren’t spoken, only the sound of waves crashing into the shore. The sun left this golden blue color in the skies that was all but ugly, just truly mesmerizing. All of a sudden, he stopped walking and swiftly faced me in his direction. He kissed me again but this time with more enthusiasm and my lips synchronized with his. He pushed me a little to speak. “I have something to tell you, but promise me you’ll be calm about it”.

“What is it?” I replied.
“First promise me” he said.
“Alright, alright, I promise”
“My family has this history of suffering from chronic diseases. Well, my mum was lucky enough not to suffer from such. My grandfather had died due to lung cancer”.

“Where are you getting at Nate?”
“Well, I have been wanting to tell you this but I was afraid of hurting you, emotionally that is”.
“I have never cared for nothing more than you and your wellbeing. You yourself should know how important you are in my life. I needn’t to remind you that, thought we were clear on it. Tell me! What is it!”

“Well..” he said as he clears his throat “I’m suffering from… lung cancer”

I could feel the triggering rush in my veins, it wasn’t good. I felt like screaming or to do something that would hurt me. I wanted to punch a brick wall just so that I would break a finger or all five. Make myself bleed till I drain out all my blood. I knew well enough that I couldn’t live without him. He is my life and forever will be. Without him, life would be meaningless, worthless just like being a genius in algebra when you want to be an archaeologist. I knew the expression I had on my face and it definitely wasn’t one of his favorites.

“My love, you promised me you’d be calm, I’ll be alright, I’m going through treatments , I’ll be fine” he said, in which was a failure attempt to assure me.

“How long has it been this way?” I said as my voice broke. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, washing the pink blusher away.

“Just a couple of months, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry”

“How could you do such a thing?!” I tried to raise my voice but failed.

“Forgive me, I only thought of what’s best for you”

“This is not the best for me, you are just being plain selfish!” I said. After a few seconds of silence, I asked “Did the doctor say anything else?”

From the look I displayed on my face, he knew exactly what I was asking.

“He did say that I would live for another… umm.. three months”. He smiled, trying to cheer me up. I wasn’t cheered up, I was sad as ever. I was angry at God for wanting to take my one and only happiness away from me. I have not done any mistake, a mistake that was big enough for it to be fair for God to commit a fatal abduction in such a way.


Two months later…

To be continued…

Written by,

Juria Hartmans